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Deconstruction & Deconversion

Naked Pastor (blog, art, online courses)

Dare to Doubt (blog)

Everyone’s Agnostic (podcast)

Faith Deconstruction (blog)

The Life After Podcast

Losing Our Religion Podcast

Recovering From Religion (blog)

Women Beyond Faith (podcast)

The Gravity of Guilt (blog)

Progressive Christianity

Catching Your Breath (podcast, blog, online courses)

Spiritual Directors Talking About Stuff (podcast)

Christian Mental Health (blog & podcast)

Holy Heretics (podcast)

Our Bible App (app)

Sexuality

It’s My Pleasure (podcast)

Vanessa Marin Sex Therapy (blog)

Music

My “Live Your Truth” playlist on Spotify

My solo piano album human on SoundCloud

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Hi! I’m Sara, an ex-evangelical writer navigating life after faith. To learn more about this blog, click here.

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In honor of #AceWeek, I want to share a bit about

In honor of #AceWeek, I want to share a bit about my journey so far of discovering and accepting my sexuality.⁣
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I am demisexual; that much I know pretty confidently. Demisexuality is on the asexual spectrum and is when someone only experiences sexual attraction to another person after first establishing an emotional connection with them.⁣
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It's taken a long time for me to actually settle into the label "demisexual." I've been told I just have a very low sex drive, or that I'm a messed up byproduct of purity culture that just needs to catch up sexually. I've consumed so many articles, podcast episodes, and videos trying to parse out why I am the way I am and how to fix me. And it sucks to spend years thinking you're broken.⁣
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The truth is, I'm not broken. Regardless of my past, regardless of whatever factors have contributed to making me who I am, this is me. I don't need fixing. I don't need to catch up. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself and perpetually looking for some solution to make me "normal."⁣
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I'm way more comfortable with my sexuality these days, although I still have a lot to figure out. Being on the asexual spectrum is part of who I am, and I'm okay with that. Happy Ace Week, everyone! ☺️ 💜🤍🖤⁣
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#aceweek #asexualawarenessweek #demisexual #demisexuality #asexual #asexuality #mystory #mytruth #notbroken #exvangelical

My little guy is two weeks old.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I've

My little guy is two weeks old.⁣⁣
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I've not been posting as much the past however many months because preparing to become a mom was what I needed to focus on.⁣⁣
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Now he's here and I have no clue what life is going to look like, but I do know I will never stop sharing my story. My little guy is going to grow up surrounded by stories that teach empathy, compassion, and kindness.⁣⁣
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Yes, he'll learn about Christianity, but he'll also learn about other religions. Yes, he'll grow up hearing my views on things but he'll also be challenged to think about other perspectives. He'll get to write his own story, and he'll have the support of his parents every step of the way.⁣⁣
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Thanks to everyone who's checked in on me the past few months. Thanks to everyone who's stuck around despite my lack of activity. I appreciate you so much 💙⁣⁣
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#deconstruction #deconstructingparent #exvangelical #newmom #mystory

PSA: You can't discredit someone's story by quotin

PSA: You can't discredit someone's story by quoting the bible at them.⁣
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I can't count the number of comments I've gotten like this one on YouTube (swipe to the next pic) of strangers judging me because my lived experience doesn't align with how they interpret their ancient holy texts. They somehow think by throwing a bible verse or two at me, they've successfully exposed me as the lost sheep, heretic, apostate, etc. that I *really* am. Yeeeah, that's not how it works. It just proves you really, really don't get it.⁣
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A major reason why I haven't made anymore videos on YouTube about my deconstruction is because, honestly, I'm so fucking tired of these comments. You think I don't know all these verses you're posting to prove I'm wrong and you have "the truth"? Fact is, if you watched my videos and your first response is to comment a bible verse, you didn't really *listen*, and you really don't care.⁣
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I am so glad I'm not the pious, judgmental, evangelical Christian I used to be anymore. I'm so glad religion no longer forces me to see the world in black and white, and I'm free to live every day in a world full of colors and complexities that challenge me to be a better, more empathetic person.⁣
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#deconstruction #exvangelical #mystory #mytruth #psa #agnostic

Last night, I found out my friend and life coach S

Last night, I found out my friend and life coach Steve Austin died by suicide this week.⁣
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Steve was the one who gave me permission to dive headfirst into deconstruction three years ago. He was the one who first introduced me to that term and it changed my life. I never would've survived the process of reevaluating my entire system of beliefs and values if it weren't for his mentoring, empathy, and outrageous sense of humor.⁣
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I initially found Steve through his book "From Pastor to a Psych Ward" while I was struggling with depression. Over time, I became very familiar with his story of surviving a suicide attempt at age 29 and his passion to lead the conversation about mental health and faith. He was always envisioning new ways to help people and put his whole heart into every venture he undertook. To learn he was struggling and lost his life by suicide makes his passing hit me so much harder.⁣
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I'm devastated by Steve's death for so many reasons. I'm devastated for his family. I'm devastated for the faith and mental health community. I'm devastated to know the person who set me on the path to becoming the liberated, unashamed version of me I am now is gone.⁣
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Thank you is not enough, Steve. The impact you made on this world is invaluable. We won't stop sharing your message of hope and messy grace. I hope, somehow, our paths cross again someday. 💙⁣
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#deconstruction #steveaustin #messygrace #mentalhealth #exvangelical @fplusmh

"So is this 𝘢𝘭𝘭 you do?"⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I'v

"So is this 𝘢𝘭𝘭 you do?"⁣⁣
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I've been asked some version of this question by other people more than once as I've sat at my receptionist desk at work. Like Pam from The Office, I never aspired to be a secretary, but administrative work has so far turned out to be where I fit best in the working world. It's been a hell of a journey not just to figure that out through a lot of trial and error, but to also learn to accept that being an #admin isn't anything to be ashamed of.⁣⁣
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Whatever people see when they pass me at my desk doesn't matter. No, I didn't aspire to be an admin when I went to college for psychology, but you know what? My mental health is the best it's been this side of graduating. Unlike other jobs I've had that made me feel unsafe, dangerously stressed, or horribly frustrated, I actually like my current job. I'm good at what I do, and am damn proud of myself for it.⁣⁣
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So in honor of #adminprofessionalsday, here's to all the other misunderstood and underappreciated badass admins out there killing it. I see you, and the work you do is invaluable.⁣⁣
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#admins #administrativeassistant #adminlife #mystory #mytruth

In less than a week, I gained 1000+ subscribers on

In less than a week, I gained 1000+ subscribers on YouTube. ⁣⁣
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Holy. freaking. shit.⁣⁣
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I'm not entirely sure how, but a video I posted 6 months ago outlining my deconstruction journey has gained over 60,000 views, 2,000 comments, and took my subscribers count from 80 to over 1000. In a week. One. It's been both super exciting and super overwhelming.⁣⁣
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I've gained a lot of new followers here on Instagram this past week as well. If you're reading this and found me through YouTube, welcome! 😊 I'm so glad you're here. 💙⁣⁣
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If I wanted any video of mine to take off, it would be this one. People, evangelical Christians especially, need to hear our stories. And not just hear, but actually listen to them.⁣⁣
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Takeaways from this rollercoaster of a week:⁣⁣
• A lot of people are quick to tell you what to do, but try to camouflage it in a way that makes it sound like they care. I see through that BS, okay?⁣⁣
• I do not have to and will not justify my story to accusing strangers on the internet.⁣⁣
• Sharing your story does help people, even though you may not know they're there. It's the kind private messages I've gotten that have meant the world to me this past week. 💙⁣⁣
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Pray for me, but don't actually. 😂 Just still trying to process the fact my deconstruction story has been launched out into the world in such a massive way.⁣⁣
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(Link to my YouTube channel is in my bio, btw)⁣⁣
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#deconstruction #exvangelical #gratefulandoverwhelmed #exvieyoutuber #mystory

Seeing my Bible on my bookshelf tonight made me th

Seeing my Bible on my bookshelf tonight made me think about how easy it would be to grab it, unzip it's Bella Taylor cloth cover, and fall back into evangelicalism like the past 3 years never happened.⁣
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How insane is it that even after years of intense deconstruction, my Bible still is somehow one of the most familiar and normal sights to me?⁣
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I know as soon as my eyes would hit the pages though, that sense of familiarity and comfort would quickly change to anxiety. I've long since lost the ability to derive any meaning from its words apart from the evangelical paradigm I drank daily from it. The shame would come flooding back.⁣
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Some people burn or destroy their bibles as part of their healing from toxic Christianity. That's not me. My Bible still has a place on my boomshelf. It's a relic from a life that was, sandwiched in between other literature from my past that I save as evidence of what hurt me. Of what I survived.⁣
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There's no fucking way I could go back.⁣
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#deconstruction #exvangelical #emptythepews #mystory #mytruth #tellyourstory #agnostic

I've officially published my first solo piano albu

I've officially published my first solo piano album of all original songs. 💙⁣
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This project began three years ago when, in the middle of a dark depression (which threw me headfirst into deconstruction), I was able to express the pain of that period through writing music. Since then, I've used playing piano and writing music to capture the emotions of what it's been like to embrace my humanity for the first time, after years spent denying it in the name of religion.⁣
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This album and these 12 songs embody the work I've done to feel what it's like to be fully human. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the chaos.⁣
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𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 is available now on all major music streaming platforms. You can tap the link in my bio for quick access to listen if you're interested. 😊⁣
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#human #solopiano #deconstruction #mystory #exvangelical #firstmusicalbum

I started a new New Year's tradition: writing out

I started a new New Year's tradition: writing out a list of everything I did the previous year.⁣
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As I've shared in posts before, the holidays have become a depression trigger for me. As far as I've come in my deconstruction journey, I still struggle with finding purpose and meaning in life. I avoid New Year's resolutions because rather than seeing a new year as an exciting blank slate to make goals, a new year feels like an overwhelming amount of time to keep my mental wellbeing above water.⁣
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A new year, for me, isn't about what goals I want to achieve or what words I want to live by; it's about celebrating each day without having an existential crisis, surviving the days I do have them, and savoring the everyday moments of life tucked in between.⁣
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As I waited for 2020 to finally come to an end last night, I sat down with some notebook paper and a pen and wrote down everything I could think of that I did in 2020. My list ranged from finishing a solo piano album I've been working on for 3 years, to completing various house projects, to catching every bug and fish in Animal Crossing New Horizons, to watching "The Office" on Netflix.⁣
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I looked at my four handwritten pages of what I did in 2020 and was happy. Despite all the bad that happened, I did a lot of meaningful things last year despite the sucky circumstances. I watched a lot of good shows. I played *so* much Animal Crossing. I wrote music, painted walls, ripped out plants, posted some YouTube videos, and celebrated my first wedding anniversary.⁣
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For the first time in a few years, I was not depressed on New Year's Eve. However you choose to celebrate the new year, the past year, the fact you're here today, or celebrate none of the above, do what is meaningful to you. Here's to a better, more hopeful year for us all.⁣
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#newyear #deconstuction #exvangelical #reflection #celebratethesmallthings #mentalhealth #mystory

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I’m a defensive pessimist. I thought this defense mechanism was helping me be prepared for the worst, but here I share its dark side and how I’m hoping to make a healthier change.

More on defensive pessimism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defensive_pessimism

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Intro song: “Adventure” (http://www.bensound.com)
Ending song: “To You” by Ikson (https://youtube.com/ikson)

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The defense mechanism I use that's actually hurting me

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